Red turned fourteen yesterday. Fourteen! As he gets older I have been reflecting on how our relationship has changed. He and I have gone through a lot in the past fourteen years. The first seven years weren’t a picnic though I did my best to shield those things from him and think I did a pretty good job.
For all intents and purposes, it was just he and I. I loved him more than I thought was humanly possible. Of course I still do. He’s my first baby. But as he gets older and more independent, that baby, toddler, and little boy who had my heart so completely is turning into his own person and no longer needs me like he did.
Our relationship is changing. Our closeness is turning into independence.
It’s funny how I’ve been thinking about this for a little while and then one of my oldest friends posted this photo on Facebook, completely out of the blue. I never even knew this picture existed. Even though it isn’t the greatest quality, my heart exploded. This is when it was just us. No one else. I was absolutely obsessed with this sweet, redheaded little boy.
I met my husband-to-be soon after Red turned six. After a year and a half we decided to all live together. For the first time in almost eight years, we had to share ourselves with another person. It was an adjustment. Not a negative one, but one nonetheless.
A year and a half later we got married and a year after that I was pregnant with K. Now I share my love with three people. My love isn’t less and I couldn’t imagine my life without all three of my guys in it, but I am no longer able to give 100% of myself to my redheaded boy like I once did, nor do I think he wants me to at this point in his life. There is something about this that makes me sad. Not that I want to go backwards because we’re happier and in a better place now, but in a nostalgic way.
Where did the last fourteen years go? I must have blinked.