My oldest of two sons was born fifteen years ago in December of 1999. His biological
father donor and I weren’t together for very long when I discovered that we had a birth control malfunction. We never had the chance to build a strong foundation before we were going to have a permanent bond to each other. Still being in the honeymoon phase of the relationship, everything was going great and while we hadn’t been together long we made a go of it.
Looking back now with a clear head and a better understanding of the person this man really is, a strong foundation was never going to be possible.
When my son was about 8 or 9 months old his
father donor began a relationship with a much younger woman girl and didn’t even really try to hide it or care about the damage he was doing to me and his child. On my son’s first birthday he walked out the door for the last time (charming, right?) and held us prisoner in the family court system for the next four years for no other reason than he is a heartless, vindictive, horrible person. He was showing his true colors and I realized that I never truly knew this cruel sociopath at all.
But still, I would like to say . . .
Thank you? How could I possibly be thankful for such treatment?
By putting me through this nightmare I learned that I am strong, I am smart, I am worthy, and I am a good mother. I may not have known that if this relationship had lasted. By leaving he strengthened the bond that my son and I had. It was just he and I against the world and we made it. I won’t pretend that it was easy and there weren’t some hard times because there were plenty, but they just made me stronger. I could do this. I DID do this and I kicked butt.
After he left I got through the (really) hard times of getting back on my feet financially but I ended up being put in the right place at the right time. The planets aligned just right and after a job through a temp agency I started a new job that was the stepping stone for what would eventually be a great job at a health insurance company. Then that great job eventually led to a promotion to a really great job.
Not only did I realize that I could and would succeed and become something better on my own than I was with him, I also found the man who I was supposed to be with. So I guess the moral of my story is that if you’re with a man who doesn’t treat you with respect and like the goddess you are, it’s okay to move on. When one door closes it is usually because an even better one is waiting to be opened.